This would be a lot easier if…

…there was actually someone here who understood me. One of my friends here is 8 1/2 months pregnant and obviously has more important things to focus on than hearing me talk (I don’t begrudge her that.) My other friend here in the Bay Area insists on deriding IBI and anything associated with it, and isn’t really listening when I explain things to him. He didn’t even have any comment when I showed him an excerpt from my new book… just “Sorry, I’m busy.” He hasn’t bothered to ask how things are going with me or if there’s anything he can do to help, even though I’ve asked him how I can help him several times recently.

I hate the feeling that no one cares. I hate it. I haven’t had a good long in-person conversation in way too long. I can write things in my blog, but it’s all too much like talking to a blank wall. I don’t know how I am going to get through this. Every morning when I wake up, everything just hits me like a sack of rocks and I feel sick to my stomach. It’s too painful. Half of me just wants to give up and half hangs on in the hope that it will eventually get better.

I need to make the pain go away.