Feeling underappreciated? Try this simple remedy.Every once in a while, I get depressed and unmotivated. Of course, with depression comes the inevitable feeling-sorry-for-myself moments.
I was having one of those today while taking a shower, bemoaning my life, when a new thought occurred to me.
Background
I have real problems talking on the phone. While I know the phone is an essential communication mechanism for many people, I still have a tough time actually picking up the phone and calling anyone. I always feel awkward once I actually call someone, and my goal is often to relay information and hang up as quickly as possible, resulting in confusion for the person on the other end!
I managed to get over this quite effectively for business, since I always had an end goal in mind (”Is your issue resolved? Is there anything else I can help you with? Okay, great, thanks. Have a great day!”) but for simple personal calls, I just can’t do it. There’s no goal!
Kicking Myself out of My Self-Pity
I decided today that I could kill two birds with one stone and take a great leap by actually calling people. Since I needed a goal, I made one up: I would call ten people who had helped me out, either recently or in the past, and tell them thank you. Since it’s near Thanksgiving, this seemed appropriate.
After nearly having a heart attack at the thought of this, I plunged ahead. I picked up the phone and started calling. And amazingly, after talking to just four people, my mood totally shifted.
What I said was basically “Hi, it’s Erica Douglass. It’s near Thanksgiving and I just thought I would give you a call and say thank you for [specific things you have helped me with.] I really appreciate you being there for me.”
This was insanely awkward for me. I had no idea what they would say! I couldn’t script the conversation in my mind! I just had to wait.
The Result
What came back was amazing. It was, every time I got an actual person, a compliment about me, and/or some way I had helped them.
Some of you may be thinking, “Duh, Erica. That’s reciprocity in action.” But it’s not just a simple marketing concept — it’s a whole new way of thinking for me.
What I concluded is this: If you’re feeling underappreciated and unloved, chances are it’s because you aren’t giving out enough compliments and thank-yous to the people you appreciate.
Think about it. We’re all so quick to criticize. I admit that I’m the worst about this. I’m quick to point out what’s wrong. But how rare is it that you just get a phone call or letter — a real phone call or personal letter, not some quick email or form letter — saying “Thank you! You’ve made THIS SPECIFIC meaningful difference in my life, and I appreciate you.”
Why don’t you be the one to start this chain?
Don’t be so quick to write this off. Try it yourself. Make it your Thanksgiving goal to call ten people you love, and tell them why you appreciate them. Don’t pitch them, sell them, or expect anything in return. Next time you’re depressed, do it again. You may be amazed at how it will change your life.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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November 26th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
It’s amazing how much your mood can affect those around you. If you just make an effort, even a small one, it’s easy to notice some positive feedback. Give a little and receive a lot.
Congrats to you on your self discovery. No one needs to feel in the dumps around this time of year. This is when we are supposed to gather with friends and loved ones to celebrate each other.
Happy Thanksgiving Erica!
November 26th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I did exactly this Monday night, and it was awesome! Everybody either picked up or called me right back.
As Josh notes: emotions are contagious. Share your good emotions, wallow in your emotion ones by yourself. Works well for me.
November 27th, 2008 at 2:49 am
How fun! I love the phone but this gives me a great new twist. I have people I know I can call if I’m blue, but sometimes I don’t cuz I don’t want to bring them down. Now I can choose to reframe my approach so I don’t feel like I’m imposing.
Nifty
Christy
November 27th, 2008 at 3:19 am
picking up the phone and making small talk is something i hate doing.
i usually end up having monosyllabic conversations!
November 27th, 2008 at 6:08 am
Great post Erica. I also have great dread with the phone. I will make a list today and pick up the phone. Thanks for sharing your struggle.
November 27th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Happy Thanksgiving! Your blog inspires me so much. I also have trouble with the phone both for business and personal. I will try this!
November 27th, 2008 at 8:51 am
The best of Life is helping others with theirs. Erica, that’s what I saw in IBI, back in 192, just one month after my wife of 25 years left me. I rep’d IBI with a buddy and his wife for most of 1993, and it just amazed me how my little part of others’ lives helped them gain confidence, hope, and better living!
That was during the lowest year of my entire life!
Just yesterday, Thanks Giving Eve, my dear Mary Pearl was trying to call a once favored cousin who had caused a major hurt to Mary before I met her, to wish her a Happy Thanks Giving. She had lost the cousin’s number, so she found one of the lady’s children’s phone number and tried to call, but it did not ring.
Than Mary asked me to try online to find the number, and I found one, but it was not verified with address, etc. So, Mary just called the number, cold.
In moments I heard her happy voice as she found her long-lost cousin, then called all the rest of the family to make re-acquaintance, and share her love!
This Internet thingy is blamed for being an impersonal barrier between persons, and that is true “if” the user intends it that way, BUT - what a blessing it can be for those who intend to use it for the benefit of others!
Thanks so much for your wonderful post to my e-mail about using the equally fear factoring phone to “Let your fingers do the walking”!!!
Claude in Puget Sound
November 27th, 2008 at 10:27 am
I think you are such an inspiration!Keep on keeping on girl, you rock!
November 28th, 2008 at 4:57 am
LMAO here Erica - You’re definitely my twin. When I operated by business from an office, I used to have other people answer the phone.
And like you, since working at home, I have a real problem with the phone. I don’t even like answering it, never mind calling folk. I don’t know why I find it’s so difficult, I guess I’m just not used to doing it.
At first, it was ok, Stuart was working from home too, so he used to deal with any phone calls.
I think I might give your idea a try. Doing things that make us feel uncomfortable is the only way to grow, I guess.
And it sounds like those phone calls really benefitted you. Hopefully, you’ll be able to hold onto that good feeling next time you need to make a call.
November 28th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
It all comes back to the law of gratitude and being in a place of perpetual appreciation…
November 30th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Erica,
I love the new theme! It’s beautiful!
(Also, I love this post.)
November 30th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Hi all! Sorry I have been such a slacker on replying back in the comments. At least I have a good excuse…Richard and I have been working like crazy to try and get my new theme up and running! And FINALLY, it launched today! HOORAY!
Some awesome new things are in the new theme, which I’ll talk about in a post tomorrow…but for now, some replies!
@Josh: Happy Thanksgiving, and I hope yours was a great one!
@Dave: That’s great! I’m glad to hear it helped you, too.
@Christy: Report back when you do it! I would love to hear more.
@Living Off Dividends: Great to see you over here…and now you don’t have to have short conversations! This is an amazing tool for those who feel like you (and I) do when we pick up the phone…”What am I doing again?!”
@Jdearing, @Nina: Fantastic!
@Claude: Wow, an old IBI’er! Hope to see you around these parts more often. Great story; thank you for sharing!
@Armando: You are always one of my favorite people!
@Cath: Crazy, huh? Someday you should come over here to the US and we should hang out.
@Pace: Thank you! I’m glad to see you here!
Thank you all again!
-Erica
November 30th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Great tip. Im making a list now.