Every year here on erica.biz, at the start of the year, I post goals that I want to achieve. Some of them I’ve achieved with wild success–like growing my blog and starting a startup–and some I’ve miserably failed on. But all have been learning and growth experiences.
In December, realizing the new year was coming up, I again sat down to write goals. At first, I wrote them privately–in my notebook. (One of them manifested almost right away, which was surprising.) I fully intended to faithfully copy them down and expound on them in a blog post for the New Year. I even started writing the blog post.
But I never finished it. And the more I wrote, the less it felt “right.” It got to the point where I didn’t blog for three weeks because I was stuck on that post.
I was stuck on my #themeword for a while in December, too. Actually, it kept coming up for me, but I felt like it wasn’t right. The word? Breathe.
I feel as though I’m sitting on the cusp of a huge transition in my life. On one hand, there’s the strong, powerful, business side of me that has been in charge for so many years. That’s the part that sets goals and works relentlessly, tirelessly, to keep them. That’s the CEO side of me.
But that part is also defective. It’s broken. It’s broken because it can’t withstand emotion. And slowly but surely, it’s breaking down and dissolving. I used to ignore my emotions. I got really good at running away from things that held emotions, like relationships and people I loved. I was successful in business, but I had no life.
The last vestiges of that part of me are leaving. In many ways, it scares me to death. That’s the “face” I show to the world, you know. The business face. I cast an image of a person who is successful, confident, and in charge. And, over the years, I’ve ingrained the confidence into my heart to become a truly unique and powerful person.
The emotions show up fast and furious now. They hit me quickly, with no warning. All of a sudden I’ll be cast back years in my life to when I did something stupid and the full force of emotions will hit me like a bodyslam. I’ll get pulled back into that moment and feel everything as if it’s happening to me all over again. That’s why it’s been hard to write on this blog lately.
But I know this is a part of the healing process for me. That I’m going through this because now I am finally properly equipped to deal with all the emotions. And as I release them one by one, I feel an amazing sense of peace.
The old paradigm of my life is now broken. And truthfully, I don’t know where this goes from here. Somehow, I have a feeling this blog will become more popular than ever. And I know that with this post–this transition piece–I will once again be freed so that I can write how I really feel.
What’s In Store for 2011
So what’s in store for 2011 for me? Amazing things. I’m going to buy an RV. And then I’m going to drive it all over the place and meet and hang out with cool people. I’m going to start opening up on this blog and really showing you my life, and I’m going to keep giving you the straight talk about business and personal growth that you’ve come to expect.
I’m going to write a book. But it probably won’t be done this year. That’s okay. It will help a lot of people.
I’m going to spread the word about Celiac disease and help others get tested for it. I’ll help heal a lot of people. That aligns with my bigger purpose in life.
I’ll continue with Whoosh Traffic and it will be a runaway success because I’m going to put my heart and soul into it, and I have the most amazing co-founder ever, Parnell, who has become a great friend and like a family member to me. Whoosh Traffic won’t fail, but it will evolve. And I will definitely be talking more about it on this blog.
I’m going to take more vacations, more time for myself, and I’m going to be true to myself both here and in person. I’m going to let my emotions guide me into the next phase of my life.
But goals? Nah, I don’t have any this year. I’m going to try it this way for a year and see where life takes me. And, through this blog, I’ll share insights from my journey and thoughts on taking your own business to the next level.
Here’s to your 2011. May it be your best year ever.
I’m off to buy an RV. 🙂