This is a guest article by Flexo from Consumerism Commentary. Flexo is currently on a ten-day, ten-venue tour.
The harder you try to succeed, the more failures you will accumulate. Here’s my story:
Flexo’s Failure
I enjoy performing in stage plays, and a play was the scene of one of my failures. I’ve always been the last actor to memorize my lines in the script, being “on book” usually through the final rehearsals before the first performance. My lack of preparedness finally caught up to me while in mid-performance my recurring dream came true: I forgot my lines.
None of the actors covered for me, and I wasn’t about to ask, “Line?” while in front of an audience. A beat passed and I said the first thing that came to mind: a line from another scene in the play. The actors then continued, skipping a few pages ahead, and we adjusted.
I was told the audience and some of the other actors never realized anything was wrong, and my quick recovery saved me from any further embarrassment. After this experience, I made an effort to fully prepare in advance for every situation I enter.
Five Steps to Get Through Your Fear of Failure
Here are my suggestions for handling failure before and after it occurs so you are ready to bounce back:
1. Redefine the traditional concept of failure. There are no failures, only learning opportunities. Choose from a number of cliches that all say roughly the same thing. Like a top 40 record, these motivational nuggets about failure are overplayed and pedestrian, but truth lies within.
To be a successful entrepreneur, or a successful human being of any type, you can’t let major drawbacks discourage you. If you find it difficult to change your mindset by approaching a negative situation with a positive outlook, you are more likely to give up before realizing your potential.
2. Accept responsibility for your situation. As an entrepreneur or business owner, you have control of your situation. If you didn’t get the results you expected, you did something wrong. An individual might be inclined to blame others or the environment for negative outcomes while crediting himself for positive outcomes. However, someone who recognizes his role regardless of the outcome is more likely to succeed.
Since I generally write about personal finance, let me take an example from the financial industry. I’ve been speaking with and listening to the CEOs of major corporations over the last few years, and they all have something in common. In times of great prosperity, with their companies earning double-digit returns while watching their share prices soar, they are quick to credit their management and employees for wonderful talent and endless dedication.
But when their company begins losing money hand over fist, suddenly the cause of this despair is the “overall market” or “investor sentiment.” It is never the fault of management ill-prepared to handle their customers’ needs during any market cycle. If you are rationalizing your setbacks with similar reasons, you are in denial. Eliminate your excuses to succeed.
3. Learn from your mistakes. Once you’ve accepted responsibility, you will be in a position to fully analyze the path that led you to this point. Make a note of what you could do differently that might lead to a more favorable outcome. In some cases, the best options aren’t clear, and a certain amount of experimentation will help.
Communicate with people who are on a similar path or have succeeded in similar endeavors. You might be able to find some shortcuts by learning from other people’s mistakes, but your own experiences will always be the best teachers. Life is short, so you shouldn’t waste it by making the same mistakes repeatedly.
4. Be flexible and quick to adapt. Be ready to react to changing trends, unclear customer needs, and your competition.
American car companies were not ready to adjust to a consumer marketplace that left Hummers behind in favorable of smaller, more cost-efficient and fuel-efficient vehicles. Their businesses suffered not only because they failed to predict the change in attitude, but because these companies took too much time before adapting.
5. Ignore negative influencers. It is important to surround yourself with believers. While being a success when everyone thinks you will fail makes a great public relations pitch, the truth is almost always different.
In order to bounce back, you need people who are going to root for you and support you — not necessarily financially, but emotionally. People who repeatedly remind you of your obstacles and who show no faith in your abilities will do more harm to your success than you will yourself. When you temporarily fail, the “I told you sos” will start to come out of the woodwork.
You might be able to find motivation within the idea of proving the naysayers wrong, but this is rarely a natural form of motivation. For the most part, negative people are just noise. You want to work with people who amplify you and your goals. Get rid of the noise, turn up the amplification, and it will be easier to hear yourself.
You will more than likely experience some form of failure several times before you get to be a success. You must bounce back, remember your lines, and get back on your path with minimal distraction. Your goals might change thanks to what you’ve learned through the experience, but there is no need to abandon your plans.
Erica’s note: Congratulations to Flexo–this is the first guest post I’ve run on erica.biz! Although I plan to keep this blog mostly in my own voice, I’m happy to post the occasional guest post.
I’m looking for your feedback: Do you like guest posts on this blog? What would you like to see more or less of? Feel free to leave your note in the comments or contact me directly.
Recommended Reading:
- Consumerism Commentary. This is Flexo’s blog, where he talks about personal finance and shares personal stories of financial success and failure. Take a look!
- They’re All Going to Laugh At You. Let’s face it. When you start a business, you’re probably going to fail…
- What Just Isn’t Working For You? Something in your life that’s broken? Here’s how I figured out a solution to a problem that was really bugging me.
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28. January 2010 at 10:14 am
I couldn’t agree more with each and every one of your points. You can really apply each one to all different parts of life, – personal, business, sports, etc.
As someone on my blog commented earlier in the year, “I hope to fail no less than 100 times this year”.
Thanks Flexo for the great post, and have fun on your ten-venue tour!
28. January 2010 at 10:16 am
I recently touched on the topic of failure on my blog. I think that school teaches us that we are supposed to be afraid of failure. For example, if a child get an ‘F’ (or anything less than a B) on one test, or in one class, do the adults involved frame it as a learning opportunity? Generally not. Instead, they question the student’s intelligence, self-discipline, diligence, and his or her entire character, in some cases. I recall one history teacher who made me feel like a degenerate criminal if I opted to do spend my evening doing something other than his busywork. We learn that ‘failure’ is a judgement, a sentence, a label (”stupid” or “bad at math”) that will follow us for the rest of our lives.
We have been trained to dread failure from childhood. We are taught that failure is unacceptable, and that it is a sign of our weak character. No wonder we are so afraid of it as adults! I think Flexo’s advice is spot-on, especially when she suggests that we “redefine failure.” And why not redefine it for the next generation as well?
And for the record, I like seeing guest posts! It’s hard for me to find the time to explore new blogs, so being exposed to new bloggers via a source I already like is immensely helpful. I feel like it provides a valuable resource for readers.
28. January 2010 at 10:29 am
Excelent post – wanted to share it so spread it around
was suprised it wasn’t already on stumble, now it is
thanks
wes
28. January 2010 at 10:39 am
Failing is such a huge thing right now. Everyone is trying new things and want it all to be perfect.
Noone can do anything wrong…noone can admit it in front of others.
I am glad to see that flexo said something and didn’t act like it was the best performance ever…and then realized that something needed to be changed and done differently. great stuff.
i like the guest post…I have done a few interviews this year, they are fun and have great insights to others –that from the outside we think they are the greatest and best at everything. Glad to see that they aren’t in a learning and helpful way.
28. January 2010 at 10:39 am
Great Post. I follow your posts Erica it is fun that you invite gests.
28. January 2010 at 10:44 am
Thank you, Erica, for today’s post. Good info! I referenced this post at my site – http://www.mackenziewelsh.com.
Flexo’s five solutions to dealing with fear of failure are great. Easy to keep in mind. Useful. And the post addresses something we probably all face in one form or another.
I especially like number four – be ready to adapt. It is a good habit to have a plan B to turn to.
Mike
28. January 2010 at 10:55 am
@Flexo – Great post. I can’t remember who said it, but it was something like, “there are no failures, there are only results.” From then on, I started looking at everything as a result rather than pass/fail.
@Erica – I always enjoy guest posts. It’s great to get another persons perspective.
28. January 2010 at 11:02 am
Hi Erica,
I always find that your posts offer a lot of value for your readers. As a business consultant, my blog is also very business orientated – I hadn’t considered guesting on someone elses blog!
Maybe I can write something that you will consider worthy of your readership? Thank you for the opportunity and the idea. After all if I fail the first time, I should just keep on trying – right?
28. January 2010 at 11:16 am
Very timely post.
When dealing with a radical change in my professional and income situation I am often reminded of the above points. However it is one thing to read and know the things you write about here in times of comfort and security and it is completely another thing to then believe them when you are waaaaaay out of your comfort zone and you need them more than ever.
I also realize why some successful people are successful…to keep on going in the face of major risk and/or failure requires a certain type of person, not everybody can pull that off. Many times when I confront some of the huge obstacles that I am dealing with right now I almost feel like throwing up (no exaggeration) and somehow I have kept on going not knowing if I am getting in even deeper into a disastrous situation or not. To be honest I am not sure how I have kept on going but somehow I have.
28. January 2010 at 11:21 am
Flexo,
Excellent points. All positive thinking especially when we look to ourselves as to being responsible for “not so great” results as well as areas we feel fortunate to have done the right thing. It think that the most important point is to have a personal look and accepting our responsibilities.
Thank you Erica for the Heads up on this entry.
J.
28. January 2010 at 11:52 am
What a timely post for me. I’ve been considering false starts without considering all that I’ve learned from them. I know I need to surround myself with more positive people, anyone have suggestions with how to do this? I tend to be the most positive person I know.
28. January 2010 at 12:05 pm
My anthropology teacher described walking as a controlled fall forward – so controlled or not fall forward.
I agree with the post above we have been educated to believe that to fail is bad and must be feared, but most self made people that I have read about all say that if you aren’t failing your not trying hard enough. I have found in my endeavors that this s true.
Here are some of my favorite mantras -
I know that I know nothing – Socrates
Not knowing is best – Musashi
Businessmen buy franchises, entrepreneurs create franchises – KRAS
There is no Life without risk – Anonymous
28. January 2010 at 2:44 pm
Enjoyed the read. Especially point 4 about being flexible, when we started our first businesses within a few months we ended up in a completely different direction than we had planned at the outset. If we had stubbornly “stuck to our plan” it would have been very costly to our business. Thanks
28. January 2010 at 3:18 pm
Thanks for the opportunity, Erica, and thanks to the readers who have posted comments so far. I agree with those who have said we are educated and trained to avoid failure and that there is increased pressure to continue avoiding failure.
RevTrev: If you find that you’re spending time with negative personalities in your job, then it could be worthwhile to find a better situation. That’s usually an easier situation to deal with than if it’s your friends or family who constantly bring you down and perhaps hold you back. It may not be right to just drop them, of course, but you could seek out like-minded people by determining what activities give you a positive, empowered feeling, and looking for other who do the same, perhaps in a club or a volunteer organization.
28. January 2010 at 7:12 pm
I totally agree with Flexo’s points. Nobody likes failures (whether you define them as opportunities or defeat). Not me, not you. But we know that we gotta go through all the failures before we can finally strike it. And a success will become much more valuable if you fail 100 times before that.
Also, it’s important to realize that you fail not because you’re incompetent, but because you set a goal in the first place! And that’s the first step towards success. I always tell myself to think where I was 6 months ago, specifically regarding my blog, and where I am right now. It’s a huge difference if you think about the details. I’d feel much more motivated to keep going.
Sometimes we lose sight of the small successes along the way, and get trapped in the small failures. That’s not healthy and would make us give up easily.
By the way, I’d like to see more guest posts, even though I still love Erica’s stuffs. Besides, it goes in line with your Guest Post Secrets
Thanks for the wonderful post Flexo. Enjoy your tour!
29. January 2010 at 7:05 am
It takes some experience to fail well, which is why it’s very dangerous to teach people to avoid failure. Now that I’ve realized that an overwhelming majority of people who do interesting things are quick to move on and adjusted my perspective accordingly, I know I’m not trying hard enough if everything I do works the first time.
Last year I was just starting with my first employee, and I thought I knew how to assign tasks that would be profitable for me and grow my business throughout the year. Through a combination of me learning to manage well and not recognizing can’t be changed, it ended up costing me $10,000 in one year instead (and two of the clients that employee worked with decided to leave, but they always did act strangely). But I’ve learned quite a bit, tried many alternatives, and ended up making a set of changes that are likely to double my income or more this year. That’s nothing more than an investment
RevTrev: local business networking organizations might be a good place to meet up with like-minded people, but just reading blogs like this has influenced me. Two other good ones are Ramit Sethi and Seth Godin’s blogs.
29. January 2010 at 3:26 pm
This is an AWESOME & totally inspirational blog post. You are very right about being able to be flexible and looking at things more as learning experiences than as worthless or failures. Thanks this is encouraging and I am sure will help many who read it deal with their fear and fly farther because of it.
29. January 2010 at 5:47 pm
Sometimes I think that if I have a bad attitude, that it makes everything seem worse. I’ve learned that a lot of the way I feel comes from how I perceive things and how I handle difficult situations. I’m trying to learn to relax and not let things bother me so much. It’s been working pretty well!
29. January 2010 at 6:12 pm
Thank you very much for this post. It’s very topical for us considering we are just beginning a new business venture. My wife will be the person managing it and so I made sure she we print a copy of this and keep it for easy reference. In particular, the part about the ‘negative influencers’ makes great sense to us…you won’t believe just how many of them we are sorrounded with! Thanks, Flexo & Erica!
29. January 2010 at 9:34 pm
The occasional guest post is always great as it can adds on new opinion.
Cheers,
Vincent
30. January 2010 at 11:21 pm
Erica, great idea to have a quest post. It can sometimes be a challenge for us to come up with something to post. To me other opinions and ideas can promote our blog. Thanks for letting me know about this great resource!!!