This technique works any time, but it works best when you’re angry, upset, demoralized, or depressed. Try it now for kicks, then bookmark it–and try it again the next time you’re feeling bad. You will be amazed at how much it helps.
My Past Week
I haven’t had the easiest time of things lately. Several financial irritations hit all at once, causing me to have to dip into my savings account (some call it an “emergency fund”, but I have a distaste for that name.) I was angry not only about having to resort to my savings account, but about the circumstances that caused it. I felt like a failure; worthless. Emotions welled up inside me, and though I’ve had an acupuncture treatment and a massage, I can still feel the emotions causing tension in my body.
Being frustrated about money rolled over into several other areas of my life, and today was yet another rough day, with Richard being frustrated about me not wanting to spend money to hire someone to do handyman chores. This resurfaced the failure feelings in my head and caused a downward spiral.
I was unable to concentrate on my tasks at hand. My intention for today was to create some new videos, but my feelings of failure stopped me. Angry at myself for not being able to overcome my emotions, I finally hopped in the car and started driving.
As I was driving, I remembered something that had calmed me down from bad emotional spots in the past. I’m not sure where I picked this up, but it really works, and it’s darned simple.
The “Gratitude Countdown”
Here it is: Say out loud ten things you are grateful for.
This “gratitude countdown” works best when you are by yourself, so if you live with someone else, I recommend that you go out driving or walking to do this.
At first, you may have trouble thinking of any. You can start out with simple ones: I am grateful to be able to breathe freely. I am grateful I have food. I am grateful to have a place to live. I am grateful for the tree in my back yard that provides shade on hot, sunny days.
Count each one down. (I say the numbers out loud to help me keep track.) At some point (it usually hits me around #4), you’ll start to feel your emotions come out. Let them out! Release them. Get rid of them.
Later in the sequence, after you’ve released some emotions, you can start healing some of the wounds. Today, I posted an ad on craigslist for people to come pick up our old moving boxes. “Bring a truck, SUV, or large car,” I wrote. “Must take ALL the boxes.” Well, who shows up but a young couple in a tiny Ford Focus. They start packing the boxes in, but of course they can only take about half of them. I come outside to find they’ve picked only the best boxes, leaving the rest sitting on the driveway!
I wasn’t happy about it, but there wasn’t much I could do. So, as part of my gratitude countdown, I forgave them. I said I was grateful that I had been able to help them out by giving them free moving boxes, and that they were forgiven for only taking some of the boxes. Now someone else deserving can come pick up the rest, or we can save them for our next move. I don’t need to hold any anger about them. I can just release it and move on.
By the time you get to the end of your gratitude countdown, you will feel completely different. It probably won’t be perfect, but you will feel like you’re on the right track again.
Your Results
Some of the other things I am grateful for today: An Internet marketer who lives here in San Diego recently inviting me to his mastermind group; Erica O’Grady helping to keep me accountable in my own goals with weekly checkups; Ramit Sethi encouraging me to get stuff done; Srini Saripalli, whose conference I recently spoke at and who is now a friend and business partner.
There are lots of good things happening in your life right now. Sometimes, they just tend to get overshadowed by the drama. What are the ten things you are most grateful for? (Feel free to post them here as a comment if you wish.)
Try this now, and then try it again next time you are feeling down. Heck, try it every day for 30 days. Let me know how it works out for you!
Update: I wrote this post on Saturday night. After doing a gratitude countdown, I overcame some mental hurdles and figured out some business issues that had been bugging me for weeks. This really does work!
Recommended Reading:
- Feeling Lonely, Depressed, or Underappreciated? Read This! Another great exercise I did when I was feeling down. This one works really well, too.
- True Visionaries Think Backwards. One of my favorite posts. This one will help you if you’re feeling mopey or sad about the future, or don’t know where you want your life to go.
- How Can You Have That Perfect “Flow State” More Often? You know those amazing feelings you get when you’re in “the flow”? How can you have those more often?
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7. September 2009 at 7:24 pm
Thank you Erica! Gratitude is a great “cure-all” for our woes. Having travelled through much of the world and as I now live in various countries, I appreciate even more clearly how fortunate and blessed we are in North America. Life is “good”, even when it´s crappy.
7. September 2009 at 7:27 pm
If they picked up some of the boxes, it was a step in the right direction. It’s hard to condemn or forgive someone for that.
It’s great you overcame some hurdles, certainly more important than a few boxes.
7. September 2009 at 7:42 pm
Hey, Erica. This is a great exercise… I was just doing my own variation of the gratitude countdown yesterday after a cryfest over the awful week that I have had (mostly financially related also). I decided that getting my first speeding ticket, having our brand new lawn mower stolen and having to evict our renters all in the same week isn’t as bad as it could be! I have too many good things going on to let these get in my way. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to think about the good things.
7. September 2009 at 8:08 pm
Hi Erica! This technique reminded me of a habit I picked up from a post by Alex Shalman called “the bragging journal”. Essentially, you journal about how awesome your life is and brag about yourself. I was reminded of it because basically what you’re grateful for are the things you brag about
Thanks for sharing this!
7. September 2009 at 8:17 pm
Great advice! Gratitude can change our attitude
7. September 2009 at 8:34 pm
I just read your email newsletter that led me here. Seems we were on the same page. I think what works best for me is my refusal to allow permission for others to have control over my mood. It’s so easy to hand yourself over to others without realizing it.
No, I’m not really a control freak in the sense that I want to bend others to my will. I just don’t like to have my life unnecessarily, negatively affected, especially by someone I don’t even know; like some stranger in traffic.
http://educopark.com/Lessons/View/1-Good-reason-to-let-it-go
7. September 2009 at 8:48 pm
For some reason the comment editor didn’t work. Just wanted to add this:
http://thingofitis-thingofitis.blogspot.com/2009/07/secrets-to-happiness.html
7. September 2009 at 8:48 pm
First the blog manifesto, now this? It’s like you’re reading my mind!
I had one of those terrible blow-up and cry days for no good reason.
I have to remember to be grateful for all the wonderful things I do have, and stop focusing on the negatives.
This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.
Thank you!
7. September 2009 at 10:15 pm
What a great suggestion! I’m going to try this out next time… along with this technique: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nRY3UtTHvo
7. September 2009 at 11:10 pm
I believe that when you complain that you become a crap magnet. So why bring what you wish not into your life. Grow up and fly straight.
7. September 2009 at 11:28 pm
I made a conscious decision a few years ago to “be happy” and for the most part, it works. Any time I’m not happy, it’s because I forgot that I decided to be happy.
I know that many people do not understand that happiness comes from within. Many people don’t understand that we can control or at least influence our emotions to a much higher degree than commonly believed. But it’s true: for the most part, happiness is a choice.
And life is good even when it’s not!
7. September 2009 at 11:59 pm
Erica, this is a great post and definitely something I needed to read. Sometimes I have negative thoughts going through my head, or I feel demoralized because of situations I cannot control – and it’s definitely good to think about exactly what I have and am thankful for, instead of what’s bringing me down.
I usually look at pictures of things I am thankful for, like my family, my puppy and I also take a look at some nice comments people have left for me on my blog, and I usually get into a better mood right away.
Thanks again, and just know that I will always look up to you. Cheers
8. September 2009 at 2:09 am
Erica, I loved this one because I recently (September 3) had my 50th birthday and had a good cry and got it all out and did my grateful list. I realized that although I’m not where I want to be and I missed out on alot being stuck in the wrong marriages,I’m not too old to begin again. I am so grateful to now have the wonderful husband and partner that I prayed for and a daughter that I thought I’d never have, and a chance to maybe start a business at home since I’m unable to work full-time — I’m grateful for my second chance! Thanks again – this does work.
8. September 2009 at 5:14 am
Erica,
Excellent idea! I teach gratitude a lot, but I never looked at it from a releasing point of view. I think counting down from ten really helps release those unwanted emotions, so you can suck up all the things you really are grateful for.
A great add-on I suggest, along with the gratitude countdown, is when you breathe out picture black smoke coming out of your mouth or nose. When you breathe in, picture breathing in abundance or white smoke. Each number that gets closer to one the black smoke should gradually turn to gray. When you hit number one, your exhale should be completely white like your inhales.
This is just an added supplement that really puts you at peace and allows Divine inspiration to come through so you know what direction or course of action to take.
I’m thankful for this post, Erica. I’m glad you addressed this issue
Nick
24. January 2010 at 11:31 am
This comment reminds me of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)… using a visualization technique to reprogram your brain (my description). It works.
8. September 2009 at 5:41 am
Hi Erica, I always try to read your posts because they are wise and this one is super-wise…and timely. I was feeling really worried about money today and then I noticed my soya milk carton and found myself thinking: I am so grateful I have soya milk! And strangely…I felt better!
Then – synchronistically – read your blog on the same subject.
I know the gratitude theory but rarely apply it when I am feeling crap.
But I did apply it this morning (it seemed to happen by itself but maybe the theory had trickled in sublimally). I always put on a cheery face so I have only just learned to moan! It’s a balance: you can acknowledge feeling crap AND feel grateful. And your version allows the and/and approach. Nice. I like it.
I also appreciated your honesty about money. Thank you. Indeed – in gratitude. Keep up the good work, Erica. Elisabeth
8. September 2009 at 7:00 am
Erica, I totally agree as Melody Beattie says,” gratitude unlocks the fullness of life, it turns what we have into enough and more…it turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend…thank you for the reminder. Gratitude can put us in a place mentally whereby we can again ” feel good ” about what we have and be happy NOW therefore opening up the flood gates for more of the same.
Be blessed,
Joan
8. September 2009 at 9:49 am
I’m in total agreement, the power of gratitude is awesome! It is also important to embrace our feelings and emotions moving into them rather than pushing them somewhere where they can accumulate. As we embrace them they dissolve.
Erica, Thanks for all you do!
8. September 2009 at 11:27 am
I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for having a job. I am grateful for having lunch today. I am grateful to live freely. I am grateful for my health. I am grateful to be able to write this today. I am grateful I can practice this exercise right now. I am grateful I have a loving family. I am grateful my husband adores me. I am grateful I was able to paint my living room this weekend.
8. September 2009 at 12:11 pm
I am grateful to be vactioning in the Sea Pines section of Hilton Head Island, SC. We’ve been coming here for years and didn’t want to deny ourselves a vacation just because of the current economic state. We’ve saved our change, stayed in a lovely 2200 sq. foot home (not ocean front), and lowered the bar as far as dining is concerned. We’re able to enjoy our best vacation spot without feeling deprived. Adjusting our sails to the current weather conditions!
8. September 2009 at 1:37 pm
Timely post, for me — my horse trainer just recommended the *same* technique as an antidote for fear related to one of my horses. While I’d thought of gratitude as a way to help feel less frustrated and angry, I had never realized how it can help reduce flat out fear. Listing the attributes of the horse that’s been giving me reasons to feel afraid has helped me gain perspective, and helps me to interact with her in a way that helps reduce HER fear.
It’s amazing how a gratitude orientation doesn’t just change *our* responses and reactions… it can dramatically change those of the people (and animals) we interact with.
Thanks!
8. September 2009 at 6:48 pm
Hi Erica!
I always love your posts. This one on gratitude was definitely what I needed. I’m so grateful that I found your blog.
Thanks again!!
9. September 2009 at 12:05 pm
Love the blog. Came across it from your interview on GRS, and have been a visitor in the past as well. Would love to see more tips on starting and growing a business. Also interested in your most recent projects!
10. September 2009 at 12:17 pm
Yes, I have developed an Attitude of Grattitude. I admit that somethings it can be hard though lol sometimes we all just have to vent, then get over it : )
15. September 2009 at 7:28 am
I’M GRATEFUL FOR> 1) That I’m a child of GOD.2) I have Family and Friends 3)Decent Health 4)A Home,Food,Car, 5)FREEDOM 6)CHOICES <right or wrong 7)Grateful for Your Insight,and being a person who cares to help others. 8)That I'm able to be a part of raising one of my grand children(even as hard as it is.) 9)Living in a Great State(Okla) 10)FOR HAVING 10 REASONS FOR BEING "GRATEFUL" and reviewing "WHY" I get up every morning..THANK YOU KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK YOU DO….WHEN YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS,THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE….BE BLESSED
16. September 2009 at 8:43 pm
I am grateful for 1) this blog 2) my health 3) my family 4) my dog 5) my home 6) the things in my home that make it comfortable 7) my car
my inhalers that help me breathe 9) dental floss 10) my church.
I think I could go on and on, but I will stop here since I’m already starting to feel very blessed.
Thanks for the great post!!
17. September 2009 at 7:19 am
I’M MOST GRATEFUL FOR BEING A CHILD OF “GOD” THAT THROUGH “HIM” “ALL” THINGS ARE POSSIBLE…AND ERICA,WHO REALLY DOES CARE,AND IS WILLING TO HELP. ALL I CAN SAY IS “SEE YOU AT THE “TOP”….Judy WHEN YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS,THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT “CHANGE”.
23. September 2009 at 6:40 am
Fantastic advice! And it’s rooted in truth, not like a lot of airy-fairy ‘get in touch with your inner being’ self help nonsense that we see a lot of.
Thanks for this!
26. September 2009 at 7:15 am
Very cool post. I’d add that when your brain is engaged in gratitude, other brain regions related to stress and fear/anxiety get very quiet. Gratitide and stress are incompatible, and gratitude wins.
I’m a bit of a neuroscience geek who follows the research on brain changes that come from meditation. (Like the previous poster said, rooted in truth, not like a lot of airy-fairy nonsense.)
If anyone wants to try a simple, “non-airy-fairy” meditation, there’s a free download at my site (should be able to get there by clicking my name above).
8. October 2009 at 5:39 pm
Things happen in life (i.e. welcome to planet Earth!) and being grateful for what you have in all areas of our life is biblical plus a great way to gain perspective, and realize if you live here in the USA, you’ve got it made for the most part even in the worst of circumstances compared most parts of the World.
So chill, take a pill, and relax.
Well maybe don’t take the pill unless you really think you need it. :-0)
28. October 2009 at 5:09 pm
what if you run out of things you’re greatful for at 4?
3. November 2009 at 12:30 pm
I’m sorry, but after reading this post I came up with only one question: where all your $1,100,000 were gone if you feel so frustrated about finances?