Welcome! I'm Erica Douglass. I am committed to teaching you how to build an inspired, successful business. I would love to hear your opinions and help you grow your business. If you are motivated to change the world and want to learn from my successes (and failures!), please subscribe and join my community!
Bah.
Well, I know a couple of people said I shouldn’t post personal stuff in my blog. I didn’t post any personal stuff for a while. Now it’s time to post personal stuff again, so here I go.
N broke up with me. I think most of you already knew that, but let’s get that out in the open. That means, for one thing, that the T-shirt business has taken a leave of absence. So sorry to those of you who needed T-shirts. It also means that, once again, I am upset, confused, angry, and depressed.
I think my depression stems from the fact that I know there’s really no one in a 1000-mile radius of me who really cares what happens to me. I could drive the Miata off a cliff tomorrow and people might not know for days. Even then, I think most people’s reaction (including some of you I’d call friends) would be “What’s going to happen to Simpli?” not “What happened to Erica?”
It really hit me hard tonight, like a punch in the stomach. Simpli had an outage, and people were calling me left and right, demanding to know what was going on. I didn’t have any answers for them, as at the time, I didn’t know what was happening either. At the same time, I was trying to halfway enjoy a night in San Francisco at a bar with someone who would probably be considered a friend (see last paragraph) and one of his friends.
It was on the way home that I felt something snap inside of me. It was just like a tree branch that has bits of snow pile up on it, and it takes it and takes it and takes it until one day, this big pile of snow falls down from above and whuff…. SNAP. That was exactly what it was like for me. I called my friend in somewhat of a panic, thinking I’d do something really stupid if left alone to contemplate all the emotions I was having. Halfway through the conversation, I realized he didn’t really need me anyway, as he sounded like he was having fun without me and he didn’t really care that something major had just happened to me, and so I hung up, embarrassed. I spent the rest of the drive home crying, and at some point, the depression sunk in like a black hole. I’m angry. I’m angry that my company had a major failure tonight. I’m angry at N’s decision to break up with me. But most of all, I’m not sure the world sees me and Simpli as two different things, and I think that’s what drove me off the edge tonight. It dawned on me that a lot of the people I consider friends are really just business associates. They host with Simpli, or some of them don’t, and they ask me about my business, and I ask them about theirs, and that’s great, but when it comes down to it, I don’t really matter to them. Tonight was a stunning example of exactly what matters about ME in people’s lives… and that is, mostly nothing. I don’t think these people (friends?) really know anything about who I am. Not only that, but they don’t really care, as long as their websites stay online and I smile and nod at their polite conversations.
The sad truth is I don’t have very many true friends — the kind of people where, even if Simpli failed, they would still call me and tell me that I’m a cool person to hang out with. That, even if I decided to move to some faraway country, they’d still call and come visit me. I think I have 2 people in my life who would do that, and neither of them live in California. And, when I’m faced with coming home to an empty house at 1:30AM after one of the roughest nights of my life, and I have no one to call and tell this to, that hurts. It really does.
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Previous post in this category: A total about-face in one night.
11 Responses to “Bah.”
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When it rains it pours. I follow your writing here for you and not for Simpli, so I’m glad you felt confident enough to be personal. You’ve shared some of your great ambitions and energy here, as well as the setbacks these cast as shadows. The former are far greater in power, and I have great hope and belief that you will find much personal succcess on an interesting road, and be an inspiration to others. I will be cheering for you.
I know we haven’t talked much in a while… I was gonna put the rest here then I realized this should really be an e-mail ^^; So off to write an e-mail…
Hey, you do have a friend in Cinci. I know its far away and such, but let me be clear when I say I’m more concerned with you than simpli…
Sheesh, I’ve never actually met you, other than via /., but I follow your blog here, and I know that I couldn’t care less about what happened to Simpli, other than something like ‘I bet if Simpli failed, Erica would feel terrible.’
Hey Erica - hang in there! Even though I’ve never met you, I’m a fan, and not just of Simpli. Pulling for ya.
Just remember that I am one that cares. Simpli isn’t the first or second thing I think of when I speak with you.
You’re not alone, Erica. Keep your chin up and the clouds will pass. Your blog has richened the lives of it’s readers and I hope that in return it has shown you numerous caring friends both near and far.
And oh, You’ve Got Mail.
Owning your own business isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, is it? Don’t mean that to be smarmy, but lot’s of people don’t expect that, yet it’s something that I’ve lived with since, literally, the day I was born. (My father opened his own business about 11 hours before my birth).
Simpli is yet another hosting provider. They are a dime a dozen. Ericas are somewhat more rare and valued.
I’ve had breakups where I thought the sky was going to fall in on me, and some that just pissed me the hell off. Isn’t there some sort of adage about if you stop looking for something, you’ll find it? I stopped looking for a man, and found Ben.
Men will come and go, until the right one comes along. Friends tend to stay, even when you’ve forgotten about them. If you want to bitch about how man are pigs, drop me a line. If you want to wallow in self-pity… well, I can’t help you there. You seem to be doing well with that all on your own.
I feel for you Erica, and sorry to hear of this bad news in your life. I don’t do business with you (other than those capital presentations @ IBI) and have to say that I care more about you than about Simpli… though I care about that too. If you don’t feel like you have any friends outside of the business world… go out and make them… do things that have nothing to do with business and everything to do with you, dance on the beach, camp in the woods or whatever it is that Erica likes to do… that way you will meet people that love you for you and not your business.
Never done any buisness with you at all, and originaly, before I did any reading, thought the simpli link on the side was an ad of some form :p. I just linked here from /., so I cant go making protestations that im your best friend or some such thing, but I can say im glad you have people that have said that they are